I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i think i just lost a toe
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
