When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
