I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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