is your mom at the bar?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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