I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
