If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
