So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
did i just pee glitter
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
