Im at strip club and am horny
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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