ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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