those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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