the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
