C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
