wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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