Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
