What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
