i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
