five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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