Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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