apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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