i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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