He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
