what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
