Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
