i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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