omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
