I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
