I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
