Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
