i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
