We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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