I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
