I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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