Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
