Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
