Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
