Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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