if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
