i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
