just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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