I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I love you.
Bad choice
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