The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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