kristin has been a bad kristin
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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