I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
