I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
