So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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