This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
