but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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