using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
