you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
