I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
