what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
