just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
