just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
