p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
