A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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