CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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