I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
