Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
