haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
