You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
